Airmailing a Pandemic

 

There’s a new trend out there in bored-full-time-parentland.

Bubbles.

Apparently parents have rediscovered (or saw a YouTube or Facebook post on) how to make homemade bubble gunk to entertain their toddlers for hours and hours so mommy and daddy can hide inside with a box of wine and have “grown-up” nap time.

So now toddlers all over the country…

(and if this disease is a Boomer Remover, asymptomatic diseased toddlers are the “prime zombie makers”)

…are filling soap-bubbles with their hot, tuna-scented, infected breath and sending those wistful little globules off death out into the air to pop in the faces of their neighbors, who were carefully sheltering-in-place in the privacy of their own back yards.

There might have been nudity involved in said neighboring yard. Or boxed wine. I can’t say for sure. It’s not my back yard. But still… this is a privacy-invading, self-contained, fragile microcosm of lung-exploding horrors being perpetrated on the innocent. After all, these people probably used birth control in an effort to never come face-to-face with hot stinky death-breath.

I assume next, these same parents are going to start making little parachutes out of used snot-rags and teaching their children to shoot them into the upper atmosphere to rain down upon the unsuspecting. Spitball blowdarts that can be shot out car windows are a great idea, too. Why not use up all those illegal plastic straws?

In every iteration of all of those post-apocalyptic “infection” type games I’ve ever seen, never once did I see the tactic of using children and their toys to intentionally kill off the population of entire neighborhoods. This is some pretty impressive creativity, if “total destruction of the planet” is your happy place.

Thanks, mommy and daddy. I hope nap-time was worth it.

 

 

 

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